I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pop tarts are not kleenex
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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