It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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