the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
