Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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