once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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