I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
