You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
