that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
