what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
