if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
