Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I touched a dick in church today
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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