What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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