Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
