so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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