I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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