I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
