I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
