im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You left your phone here
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