Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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