I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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