You can't motorboat a personality
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
