false alarm. still invincible.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
