I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
