he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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