Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
