You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize