I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
