I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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