I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
