My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
