the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
