I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
