I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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