Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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