Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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