So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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