I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What a dumb baby whore.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
