both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
