I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
