At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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