I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
