She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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