so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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