Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
