I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
