I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
