YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
