This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
