There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The struggles of a small town man whore
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
