Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
