I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
