You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
