I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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