where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
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imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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