They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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