Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
