I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
