at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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