am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
