When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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